From the book

Cyberbullying Help: DMs, Group Chats, and Social Media

Based on The Bully Stops Here by J.E. Jaffe · Updated October 22, 2026

The Bully Stops Here treats private messages and public comments differently. In a DM, you control whether and when to reply. On a public post, the audience and its reactions also matter. Chapters 5–8 explain how to use those differences while keeping emotion out of your replies.

Use the time and distance the screen gives you

Chapter 5, the cyberbullying introduction, points out advantages of being online: the other person cannot see a trembling expression, you have time to choose your words, and you can leave the exchange with a click. At the same time, posts can persist and spread. The book’s common rule is to control the response you put on the screen.

Check who is messaging you

Chapter 6, “Catfishing & The Basics,” deals with deception before moving into aggression from people you know. It recommends blocking unknown profiles that approach you, limiting messages to friends, and securing accounts with two-factor authentication.

If a familiar account starts making strange requests, the chapter recommends verifying the person in a call or in person. It also discusses asking about a shared memory. The aim is to establish whom you are talking to before treating the message as a genuine exchange with a friend.

Play The DM Game

Chapter 7 describes three parts of the exchange: their message, your reply, and their follow-up message. If the first message is aggressive, insulting, or mocking, the book recommends leaving it unanswered. Watch for a second message with a kinder tone.

Timing is part of the method. If a kinder follow-up arrives an hour later, the chapter’s example is to wait a similar amount of time before replying. If the follow-up is still harsh, continue to withhold a response. When you do reply, return to Chapter 2’s brief, neutral language.

Read your reply aloud before sending it. The chapter asks you to notice whether it carries excitement, revenge, or amusement at the other person’s expense. Edit it toward a plain, emotionally uninteresting tone. It also suggests using an AI rewrite as an editing aid, then adjusting the wording yourself.

Leave a group chat when people gang up

Chapter 7 applies the same approach to group chats, with an additional move: leave the group when it turns against you. If someone then contacts you privately, use The DM Game there. The book leaves rejoining the group to your own inclination after the tone has improved.

Handle public comments with the audience in mind

Chapter 8, “Social Media,” first recommends pausing to see whether an insult attracts likes. If it does, the author recommends a composed public reply. Examples include “Hope you find what you’re looking for,” “What brings you here?” and “I just post,” depending on the insult.

The chapter also suggests asking friends for likes and neutral supporting comments. Its examples include “We all have different tastes” and “Always something new to see.” The purpose is to support a calm response in front of the audience.

Recognize the move into threats

Chapter 9, “Digital Violence,” addresses threats separately. It discusses preserving screenshots, looking up relevant official information, and considering parents, school, or police when the behavior persists. Chapter 11, “The Adult Call,” also discusses help from parents and from young adults who understand online exchanges. These chapters provide the context for serious situations beyond ordinary taunts.