From the book

Helping Your Child With Bullying: A Guide to the Book

Based on The Bully Stops Here by J.E. Jaffe · Updated October 22, 2026

For a parent reading The Bully Stops Here with a child, the useful starting point is the book’s central question: what does the other person want from this interaction? The answer shapes the response, from handling a taunt to repairing a friendship.

Understand the first three chapters together

In Chapters 1–3, the author’s approach to aggressive in-person bullying combines the smirk, short neutral words, and Compliment-To-Exit. The goal is to remove the emotional payoff the bully is seeking.

The smirk is a slight expression with controlled eyes. Chapter 2 adds brief replies such as “got it,” “noted,” or “fair enough,” delivered in a clear, low, almost bored tone. Chapter 3 uses a sincere, understated compliment to create an opening for a quick goodbye and departure.

Reading the sequence together makes the role of each part clear: expression, words, then an exit if composure becomes difficult. The book asks the reader to practice the expression and pay attention to delivery.

Keep private and public online situations distinct

Chapters 5–8 explain why a DM and a public comment call for different tactics. “The DM Game” recommends withholding replies to aggression, watching for a kinder follow-up, and choosing the timing and tone of a response. In a hostile group chat, it recommends leaving and handling any follow-up in DMs.

“Social Media” considers the public audience. It recommends waiting to see whether an insult attracts likes, then using a neutral reply and calm support from friends if it does. The cyberbullying guide follows these chapters in more detail.

Know the role of The Adult Call

Chapter 11, “The Adult Call,” addresses situations that have not been resolved by the earlier strategies. The choice of help depends on what is at stake. For persistent teasing without high threats or violence, it identifies parents as a source of advice and a counselor as another source of support.

For online taunts, the chapter also suggests a young adult with relevant experience, such as an older cousin or someone skilled at texting and posting. When violence starts, it says to tell parents, and recognizes a role for the school or law when the situation cannot be resolved alone.

The chapter emphasizes discretion: seek help privately and avoid turning the process into a public spectacle at school. That concern for privacy is part of the author’s approach to adult involvement.

Read friendship conflicts through Part 4

Chapters 12–16 turn to strained friendships, forming sides, silence, and being targeted after a mistake. The author distinguishes these situations from an aggressive bully seeking a visible reaction.

“The Truth Hurts Less” recommends a direct, kind conversation framed around a shared problem, using questions and recognition of the friend’s good qualities. “The Silent Treatment” explores envy as a possible motive and first asks whether the friendship is one the reader wants to preserve. “The Targeted” begins with an early apology when the reader has hurt someone, then considers individual approaches and helpful action.

Return to the book’s theme of helping others

“The New Kid,” “The Targeted,” and the conclusion all return to helping other people as a way to build connection and respect. Examples include including a quiet classmate, contributing to shared work, and inviting others into a helpful activity. The conclusion brings the book’s approaches together through understanding what people want and choosing a response that fits.