From the book

What to Do If You Are Being Bullied

Based on The Bully Stops Here by J.E. Jaffe · Updated October 22, 2026

The opening idea in The Bully Stops Here is that an aggressive bully wants a show: anger, tears, a defensive argument, or another sign that they can control your reaction. The first three chapters explain how your expression, words, and exit can take away that payoff.

Start with the smirk

Chapter 1, “The Smirk,” begins with a small change in expression. The book distinguishes a full smile, which involves the mouth and eyes, from a slight curve of the mouth with controlled eyes. The intended message is that the bully is not controlling what you show.

The chapter invites you to practice that expression. In the author’s approach, the smirk is both an outward signal and a way to help yourself become more composed. It is the starting point for the words that follow.

Keep your words short and your tone neutral

Chapter 2, “Your Words,” pairs the smirk with brief, plain replies. The book gives “I’m okay” for a mocking “how are you,” and examples such as “thanks,” “got it,” “right,” “noted,” and “fair enough” for other taunts.

The delivery matters. Keep your voice clear and low, with a neutral, almost bored tone. The chapter’s aim is to defuse the exchange without giving the bully a detailed defense to argue with. It also says to speak when the moment calls for a response; its method involves choosing a few words deliberately.

Use Compliment-To-Exit when you need to leave

Chapter 3, “Compliment-To-Exit,” addresses the moment when taunts continue and your composure starts to slip. The sequence is a thoughtful, understated compliment, followed promptly by a goodbye and an exit.

The book suggests noticing something real: shoes, a shirt, an accessory, or a skill in sports or art. Keep the compliment light and sincere. When their reaction gives you an opening, use one of the book’s exit lines, such as “I’m running late” or “gotta go,” turn, and leave. The compliment serves a specific purpose: creating that opening.

Build connections through helping

Chapter 4, “The New Kid,” looks beyond a single encounter. When you have not yet found your place, the book recommends connecting your strengths with someone else’s needs. Its examples include welcoming a quiet classmate into a group, sharing the work on a project, helping someone catch up after an absence, or supporting a performance.

The chapter offers many possibilities so you can choose one that fits. Helping others is a recurring theme that returns in the conclusion.

Choose the chapter that fits the situation

The introduction says the approach must change with the circumstances. Online exchanges have their own tactics in Chapters 5–8; threats and violence are addressed in Chapters 9–11; conflict and exclusion among friends are covered in Chapters 12–16. Chapter 11, “The Adult Call,” explains seeking help when the strategies have not resolved the situation and involving parents when violence starts.

Continue with the online bullying guide or practice the first chapters’ approach.